Category: Nonsense (Page 17 of 18)

The lack of airtime for Pittsburgh-based bands on mainstream radio stations enraged South Side resident Garth Warner so much yesterday that he nearly attended a local show right down the street from his apartment, sources overcome with indignation reported this morning.

Uber resumed testing its self-jaywalking pedestrians around Pittsburgh this weekend despite lingering concerns from residents regarding their safety.

Pitt alum Sarah Barker demonstrated her generosity with a Christmas donation of more than $700 to Great Lakes Loan Services, the humble 33-year-old begrudgingly confirmed this morning.

Middle-aged bro Doug Meiers laments the meaningless nature of today’s fistfights in the South Side compared to those he used to start as early as 2003, the 34-year-old reported last night between Irish Car Bombs.

A group of bros hailing from various parts of Allegheny County celebrated the defeat of a proposal to “victimize” them for .25 mills annually to support programs for children in need with an impromptu bar crawl resulting in more than $600 in charges, hungover sources groggily confirmed this morning.

The Penguins believe their latest acquisition will prove to be a dramatic improvement on the blue line, team executives said of the road cone after today’s morning skate.

A package addressed to Mayor Bill Peduto was intercepted yesterday, containing a suspicious device armed with near-fatal volumes of Hunt’s ketchup, city officials reported this morning.