Considered a heavy favorite, former Pitt men’s basketball head coach Kevin Stallings suffered a surprise defeat this afternoon in the opening round of interviews for an assistant manager position at a local Target.
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New Raiders WR Antonio Brown has purchased a billboard in the Los Angeles area to help cultivate a combative relationship with quarterback Derek Carr before practices even begin, the star reported this morning.
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Penguins winger Phil Kessel celebrated tallying his 1200th career large pizza last night during the team’s 3-2 overtime win against the Florida Panthers.
“I just have so many people I want to thank,” he said, covered in an array of sweat, tears, and garlic butter. “All my friends and family for always believing I could consume this many large pies entirely on my own, Domino’s for its relentless commitment to delivering pizzas to me in arenas and hotels dotted throughout the continent, and of course the Penguins organization for helping me aim to binge-eat at the highest level these past for years.”
Meanwhile, team captain Sidney Crosby reportedly rewarded himself for reaching 1200 career points with a relaxing post-game CrossFit extreme workout.
Pirates manager Clint Hurdle has reportedly struggled to get himself out of bed this morning and thereby acknowledge the start of his ninth season with the team, according to sources hearing repeated shouts of “No!” and “Why?!” emanate from his room.
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Pirates GM Neal Huntington reportedly feels “better than ever” as spring training approaches thanks to the new high-intensity lying regimen he adopted over the summer.
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Local paranormal experts were finally able to defeat the evil spirit that has ominously lingered over Pitt’s Oakland campus since 2016, sources inside the Peterson Event Center confirmed last night.
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Creators of the immensely popular local drama series Pittsburgh Steelers recently released brand-new content for the program despite identifying its episode last Sunday as the season finale.
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Steelers defensive coordinator Keith Butler is reportedly wandering Downtown Pittsburgh in search of Three Rivers Stadium, which he believes to be the site of today’s game versus the Cincinnati Bengals, concerned parties have reported.
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Steelers kicker Chris Boswell is still exhaling in relief after not having to attempt a game-tying field goal last night against the Saints, friends and family routinely checking on him confirmed.
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Having forfeited a costly fumble during the team’s final drive, Steelers WR JuJu Smith-Schuster admitted after the loss that he had picked the worst possible time to advertise Pizza Hut’s new Extra Greasy Crust Pizza.
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