In an impassioned speech in Oakland Sunday, Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders once again advocated for a universal healthcare program in the United States and the return of “old-school, hard-nosed” Big East basketball.
Continue readingCategory: Sports (Page 8 of 11)
When you prepare to start the grind that is the NHL playoffs, bad news is the last thing you want.
That’s what the Penguins got this morning, however, as top winger Jake Guentzel has reportedly consumed nothing over the last three days but his signature milkshake from The Milkshake Factory, potentially limiting his impact on tonight’s opening-round matchup against the New York Islanders.
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Insisting he has “grown a lot,” Mount Washington resident Mark Dwyer, 31, has begun to deflect blame ahead of time for the mental deterioration and violent mood swings he anticipates experiencing during the 2019 NHL playoffs.
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Members of the Pirates’ struggling bullpen intend to “pump the brakes” on their mid-game tailgating practices until they have shown marked improvement in their performance, according to sources devoutly limiting themselves to two hot sausages in a single sitting.
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Did you love the 1993 dramatic comedy “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray? Were you on the edge of your seat wondering if jaded news anchor Phil Connors would ever find a way out of his existential prison?
If so, you’ve surely been pining over the years for a sequel that almost certainly will never come. But fret no more! Who needs the silver screen when the theater’s otherworldly allure appears in real life — in our very city, no less?! Such is the fate of Clint Hurdle, who, no matter what he does, has woken up every day for more than eight years now to find he is still manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates.
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Considered a heavy favorite, former Pitt men’s basketball head coach Kevin Stallings suffered a surprise defeat this afternoon in the opening round of interviews for an assistant manager position at a local Target.
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New Raiders WR Antonio Brown has purchased a billboard in the Los Angeles area to help cultivate a combative relationship with quarterback Derek Carr before practices even begin, the star reported this morning.
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Penguins winger Phil Kessel celebrated tallying his 1200th career large pizza last night during the team’s 3-2 overtime win against the Florida Panthers.
“I just have so many people I want to thank,” he said, covered in an array of sweat, tears, and garlic butter. “All my friends and family for always believing I could consume this many large pies entirely on my own, Domino’s for its relentless commitment to delivering pizzas to me in arenas and hotels dotted throughout the continent, and of course the Penguins organization for helping me aim to binge-eat at the highest level these past for years.”
Meanwhile, team captain Sidney Crosby reportedly rewarded himself for reaching 1200 career points with a relaxing post-game CrossFit extreme workout.
Pirates manager Clint Hurdle has reportedly struggled to get himself out of bed this morning and thereby acknowledge the start of his ninth season with the team, according to sources hearing repeated shouts of “No!” and “Why?!” emanate from his room.
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Pirates GM Neal Huntington reportedly feels “better than ever” as spring training approaches thanks to the new high-intensity lying regimen he adopted over the summer.
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