Insisting he has “grown a lot,” Mount Washington resident Mark Dwyer, 31, has begun to deflect blame ahead of time for the mental deterioration and violent mood swings he anticipates experiencing during the 2019 NHL playoffs.
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Members of the Pirates’ struggling bullpen intend to “pump the brakes” on their mid-game tailgating practices until they have shown marked improvement in their performance, according to sources devoutly limiting themselves to two hot sausages in a single sitting.
Continue readingHockey has always been heralded as a grueling, demanding sport, encapsulated perfectly by the 82-game grind that makes up the NHL regular season. Indeed, it is a time of unmatched highs, lows, and unchecked emotion.
The players probably get pretty worked up, too.
Did you love the 1993 dramatic comedy “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray? Were you on the edge of your seat wondering if jaded news anchor Phil Connors would ever find a way out of his existential prison?
If so, you’ve surely been pining over the years for a sequel that almost certainly will never come. But fret no more! Who needs the silver screen when the theater’s otherworldly allure appears in real life — in our very city, no less?! Such is the fate of Clint Hurdle, who, no matter what he does, has woken up every day for more than eight years now to find he is still manager of the Pittsburgh Pirates.
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Considered a heavy favorite, former Pitt men’s basketball head coach Kevin Stallings suffered a surprise defeat this afternoon in the opening round of interviews for an assistant manager position at a local Target.
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Mt. Washington resident and “pure-bred Irish sweet talker” Mac Moore managed to charm his way into a disorderly conduct charge this morning during the city’s St. Patrick’s Day celebration, astounded friends of the 33-year-old confirmed.
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New Raiders WR Antonio Brown has purchased a billboard in the Los Angeles area to help cultivate a combative relationship with quarterback Derek Carr before practices even begin, the star reported this morning.
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The new development plan for the former Civic Arena site “will not be a mere copy” of the North Shore, as local douchebags will be able to live there as well as indulge in overpriced food and binge drinking, Penguins executives and city representatives recently revealed.
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Stuck at yet another Pittsburgh-based fish fry for Lent, Lord and Savior Jesus H. Christ admitted he “would totally kill a man in cold blood right now” in return for a steak wedgie from Angelo’s in Bloomfield.
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Bills QB Josh Allen canceled a rush delivery order of several books on the topic of conflict resolution this morning after reports surfaced that Steelers WR Antonio Brown had blocked a trade to Buffalo, sources sighing in relief recently reported.
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