Facing fines for a noise violation, Stanton Heights resident Phil Manna was somehow sentenced to life imprisonment without parole this morning, attributed to the dreadful performance of his legal counsel led by Steelers coordinator Keith Butler.
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Recent ads commissioned by the Post-Gazette indicate the start of the publication’s long-term plan to transition from being a shitty print newspaper to a shitty digital newspaper, Block Communications chairman Allan Block confirmed today.
“Well-traveled” Hofbräuhaus patron Bill Hauser reportedly refused to chant “USA!” during last night’s Oktoberfest celebration unless it was done exclusively in German.
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A spontaneous study launched this afternoon by drivers throughout the Pittsburgh area aims to determine how the fuck nobody is moving even a goddamn inch, irate sources confirmed between obscenities today.
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Pitt football has adopted a new program to start recycling points that the team regularly throws away, head coach Pat Narduzzi and AD Heather Lyke announced today.
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Surprising supporters and detractors alike, mercurial Steelers fan Doug Roth released an otherwise unannounced 37-minute diss track aimed at running back Le’Veon Bell during a local happy hour today.
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Kennywood Park will host its first-ever Bring Somebody Qualified to Work Day Saturday, September 8, human resources representatives and public relations staff anxiously told anybody willing to listen earlier today.
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The Steelers players, coaches, and executives celebrated the anniversary of Joe Haden’s “Gotcha Day” this afternoon, marking one year since he was rescued from squalor in Cleveland.
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Officials in the city of Columbus have declared a state of emergency, as the Ohio town was embroiled in yet another day of rioting and violent celebration provoked by Fox Sports analyst Dave Wannstedt following Ohio State’s 39-37 win over rival Penn State Saturday.
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