In light of the Steelers 17-10 win against the Patriots, the family of Brookline resident Richard Crawford intends to milk his exceptionally good mood of every last drop in fear of his potentially surly affect following the team’s game next Sunday, frantic sources reported this morning.
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Celebrating increased revenue from sports betting, Pirates owner Bob Nutting allegedly “went wild” last night at Rivers Casino, wagering a “hefty” $4 that the franchise would make the playoffs this season.
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The local man violently demanding a refund from the manager of sports betting at Rivers Casino just hours after its grand opening has become the odds-on favorite to be the same individual Pittsburgh police officers are actively looking for, according to sources within the casino.
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Middle-aged bro Doug Meiers laments the meaningless nature of today’s fistfights in the South Side compared to those he used to start as early as 2003, the 34-year-old reported last night between Irish Car Bombs.
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Citing its superior effectiveness, the NHL has appointed Ryan Reaves’ right shoulder as director of its Player Safety Department, league executives announced this evening.
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Considered “the best there is” on the matter, Pitt alum and somehow NFL quarterback Nate Peterman gave his alma mater’s players a spirited pep talk on overachieving prior to their taking the field against 27.5-point favorite Clemson, according to sources inside the team’s locker room.
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A ‘game day prep basket’ of malt liquor, lottery tickets, and an adult magazine arrived at Pat Narduzzi’s hotel room this morning, allegedly sent by former coach Dave Wannstedt to help Narduzzi get ready for today’s ACC Championship game, hesitantly thankful sources recently reported.
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Iowa men’s basketball supporters found themselves embarrassed by the constant cursing, taunting, and generally unlikable disposition of a fellow fan during the team’s 69–68 win last night against Pitt, university sources revealed this morning.
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The Pittsburgh Penguins have placed goaltender Matt Murray on long-term injured reserve to return him to the manufacturer for warranty repairs, GM Jim Rutherford confirmed today before assembled media.
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An invasion of crystallized monstrosities meant to wreak unspeakable misery upon humankind, also known as snow, has befallen Pittsburgh, making the city an impassable hellscape that no man or woman should dare try to navigate, eyewitness reports confirm.
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