The Senate Judiciary Committee has called on Pirates GM Neal Huntington to provide his expert testimony in the field of lying.
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Philadelphia Flyers’ new mascot Gritty awaits formal charges on two counts of assault and battery in a local jail, only several hours after his public introduction, police sources recently confirmed.
Local German house band Bahnhof (‘train station’) has already completed its entire setlist seven minutes into the Oktoberfest event for which it is commissioned to play three hours, according to distressed sources in Lederhosen.
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Available evidence suggests Steelers WR Antonio Brown was “most definitely” the last person to play the Madden 19 demo at the GameStop in Ross Park Mall yesterday, witnesses report.
Pennsylvania Senator Pat Toomey has reportedly developed a supremely small growth on his pelvis believed to be a dick following his ‘no’ vote on President Trump’s latest budget that includes a $17 billion increase on military spending.
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Local Pittsburgh Penguins fan Will Bennett, 33, expressed his excitement earlier today for the upcoming self-destructive behavior season set to begin officially on Thursday, October 4.
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Facing fines for a noise violation, Stanton Heights resident Phil Manna was somehow sentenced to life imprisonment without parole this morning, attributed to the dreadful performance of his legal counsel led by Steelers coordinator Keith Butler.
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Recent ads commissioned by the Post-Gazette indicate the start of the publication’s long-term plan to transition from being a shitty print newspaper to a shitty digital newspaper, Block Communications chairman Allan Block confirmed today.
“Well-traveled” Hofbräuhaus patron Bill Hauser reportedly refused to chant “USA!” during last night’s Oktoberfest celebration unless it was done exclusively in German.
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A spontaneous study launched this afternoon by drivers throughout the Pittsburgh area aims to determine how the fuck nobody is moving even a goddamn inch, irate sources confirmed between obscenities today.
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