PPG PAINTS ARENA — Mike Lange thanked fans last night for their support over his 45 years of broadcasting with a touching series of sayings that objectively made no sense whatsoever, according to sources pretty sure “the cat better jump out the cradle because, baby, the chicken coop is burning” is a good thing.
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SHALER — Local father Pete Jones remains undecided how he will uniquely butcher new Penguins winger Alex Galchenyuk’s last name, the 56-year-old reported between comments on defenseman Erik “Gundersson” (Gudbranson) and forward Nick “Bugstot” (Bjugstad).
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SAINT PAUL, Minn. — Former Penguins player and assistant general manager Bill Guerin initiated impromptu hockey-style fights with numerous Minnesota Wild employees this morning to assert his dominance as the team’s new GM, sources holding ice packs to various parts of their face confirm.
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OHIO — Countless motorists on Interstate 90 westbound have passed Olli Maatta this morning on the former Penguin defenseman’s drive to Chicago, sources pretty certain he should have his hazard lights on confirmed.
Continue readingAnother year, another spring of question marks for the Penguins heading into the postseason. It doesn’t matter, though; the excitement of playoff hockey can’t be dulled by a mere hint of doubt.
We went down to the Big Screen at the site of our holiness, the former Civic Arena, to see what the game day experience was all about.
