BLOOMFIELD — Italians from around the region came together over the weekend to celebrate Christopher Columbus’ “noble mission” of convincing natives of the lands he visited to believe that Caliente’s Mee-Maw is in fact the “one true” pizza in America.
Continue readingCategory: Current Events (Page 9 of 12)
PPG PAINTS ARENA — Mike Lange thanked fans last night for their support over his 45 years of broadcasting with a touching series of sayings that objectively made no sense whatsoever, according to sources pretty sure “the cat better jump out the cradle because, baby, the chicken coop is burning” is a good thing.
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PITTSBURGH — Local lingerie company Put Me Yinzide You has generated widespread buzz regionally after its release of a controversial new sexy Bill Cowher costume.
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LATROBE — Pittsburgh Brewing Company announced this morning the sudden release of I.C. Seltzer, a beer-flavored, 95-calorie hard seltzer beverage intended to compete with products like White Claw and Truly, according to sources who insist the product’s lettering won’t smudge as easily in the future.
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NORTH SHORE — Pirates management reportedly celebrated this morning that PNC Park will host a lineup “even more over the hill” than theirs when the Green Day, Fall Out Boy, and Weezer tour heads there on August 15, 2020.
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Former Raiders WR Antonio Brown commissioned a billboard this morning thanking the city for “not a single goddamn thing” following his release from the team, sources waving the middle finger while leaving town report.
“May my shining legacy,” Brown stated, “be how much I wish the people of Oakland and the Raiders organization in particular to eat shit for all eternity.”
As of press time, Derek Carr was reportedly begging Brown to stop and let him get out from under his rear tires.
STUCK BEHIND A FOUR-DOOR SEDAN — Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin ensnared himself in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the northbound side of Veterans Bridge late yesterday afternoon, prompting analysts once more to question his ability to manage the clock in crucial situations.
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OAKLAND — Citing concerns for public disruption and safety, South and North Oakland residents have jointly renewed their petition to cull the area’s overgrown freshmen population now during its prime migration period, neighborhood sources confirmed today.
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BLOOMFIELD — Little Italy Days visitor Paul Hillman reportedly looks most forward to trying the “authentically Italian” collision coverage offered by State Farm.
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NORTH SHORE — Owners of the Bloomfield Shursave IGA on Liberty Ave. intend to acquire the naming rights to Heinz Field at the conclusion of the 2021 season, according to sources reminding customers that dice games are forbidden in the parking lot.
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