It’s just the worst: you’re in one of the city’s hottest neighborhoods, idly protesting a horrific cycle of unchecked police brutality, when BOOM — you realize in the middle of being attacked by a chemical weapon outlawed in the Geneva Convention that you haven’t eaten ALL DAY.
Continue readingCategory: Neighborhoods (Page 2 of 4)
SQUIRREL HILL — Resident and “ally to the bitter end” Norm Schumann reportedly helped advance the black community’s cause today by placing a Black Lives Matter yard sign arbitrarily among the $30,000 of landscaping work he had done last week.
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By Owner and Intrepid Defender of Wealth John R. Block
Unwashed Youth, most of them sons and daughters of housemaids and workmen, gathered in the East Liberty neighborhood, dangerously in the vicinity of the residence of H. Frick.
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UPPER SAINT CLAIR — Upon entering the state’s green phase, members of Upper St. Clair residential plan Whisper Hollow announced this morning that their collective efforts have ensured the neighborhood “contains not a single trace” of COVID-19 or persons who in any identifiable way deviate from the norm.
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PITTSBURGH — Is the local economy collapsing? Researchers suggest it may be after another week of uncertainty forced only a dozen new craft breweries to open in the area, marking a substantial drop from the 39 that opened over the same period last week.
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Oh my God, did you hear?! The O, an absolute legend for Pitt students and grads like me, is closing! It’s so sad that I might start crying. I mean, yeah, I would never go in there and actually buy food or anything, but I still didn’t want it to, like, shut down for good.
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OAKLAND — In a touching display, a mourner set a half-empty 40 of malt liquor and pile of grease-laden french fries on the Original Hot Dog Shop’s doorstep as a memorial to the now-closed eatery.
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HAZELWOOD — The local community celebrated today after discovering property poacher Rick Gilmour mauled to death by the very woman whose home he was targeting to flip and rent at more than twice the average rate in the area, sources kicking the body “for good measure” confirm.
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WEST VIEW — Lifelong resident and Guy Fieri lookalike Griff Ferrani has reportedly started a new YouTube series mimicking “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” in which he forgoes eateries to visit exclusively local dive bars.
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MOUNT WASHINGTON — Hoping to avoid “looking cliche,” 79 guys lingering near the Grandview Overlook on Mt. Washington with their girlfriend reportedly plan to continue doing so until somebody else proposes first.
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