Hey, in case yinz didn’t hear, the start of April is a new beginnin’ fer Pittsburgh Unfiltered, headed up by me, yer ol’ football-lovin buddy Russ Hookgraver. Click here to read more and yinz enjoy!
CLEVELAND — Some total jag Browns fan unsurprisingly also likes that gross-ass Hunt’s ketchup, according to sources who probably love other terrible stuff, too.
Continue readingHey, in case yinz didn’t hear, the start of April is a new beginnin’ fer Pittsburgh Unfiltered, headed up by me, yer ol’ football-lovin buddy Russ Hookgraver. Click here to read more and yinz enjoy!
HELL — Our jag mayor Bill Peduto reportedly sold his soul to Satan this morning for more of them dumb bike lanes that are gonna clog up them roads people just wanna drive fast on.
Continue readingHappy April to all yinz aht there!
I’m gunna hafta ask yinz to turn dahn yer walkman or whatever n listen up, we clear?
The investors dahn at Pittsburgh Unfiltered weren’t makin no scratch off the operation, what with a bunch of wannabe socialist jagoffs runnin the thing, so they brought in me, hard-workin’, American Flag n Terrible Towel-wavin’, Baldwin born n raised Russ Hookgraver to get business boomin again.
Now I was gunna start tuh get e’rything in order by firin all the staff and leavin them without health insurance. I mean, writin’ ain’t a real job, anyhow. I write stuff fer free all the time: death threats tuh sports radio hosts, lists fer when we go get food dahn at the Iggle, court-ordered apologies tuh my neighbors … you know, whole buncha stuff.
Once I realized, though, that none of them was a full-time employee, well, I decided there was only one thing fer ol’ Russ tuh do: put aht high-quality, pro-Pittsburgh content for all yinz folks to laugh at aht there. Stuff that red-, white-, blue-, black, and gold-blooded Americans like me would really get a kick aht of.
So sit back, pack in a few ‘rogis, and get yinzselves ready fer the new n improved Pittsburgh Unfiltered, with yer friend who’s always callin the cops fer yinz when he sees coupla hoodlums takin too long to walk dahn the street, Russ Hookgraver.
(Look, even the logo looks better. Kinda like the Pittsburgh Steelers! Get it? That’s the football team we all like n stuff.)
It’s time we got serious about this pandemic. I don’t know about you, but I have lots of older relatives in my family whom I want to keep safe, so I’ll say it loud enough for the people in the back: we must act NOW to protect local, at-risk seniors — except, of course, Edgar Snyder, for the Immortal Doombringer hath no need or want for our laughable strength.
Continue readingAs a guy from State College, I’ve seen the extreme ends of convenience store loyalty. Parties I’ve gone to have nearly burst into all-out civil war at the suggestion that Sheetz or Wawa puts together a superior Nacho Grande to the other.
Now, finally, I think I’ve helped settle this age-old battle once for all.
Continue readingGREENFIELD — Local resident George Nowakowski decided he will place fault for today’s significant, out-of-season snow accumulation entirely on mayor Bill Peduto, the 71-year-old confirmed while muttering to himself this morning.
Continue readingI heard the Old Mill’s opening back up. You should go down there and ask for a job. That’s a good honest job, working in a mill with your hands. You kids don’t know nothing about handjobs these days, but mark my words: a whole bunch of handjobs down at the Old Mill is just what this blue-collar town and Pittsburgh needs to be great again.
Continue readingPITTSBURGH — Officials at the Allegheny County Health Department issued an “urgent reminder” this morning for Sheetz customers to wash their hands thoroughly after they leave a smear of shit on the seat in one of the chain’s numerous locations in the region.
Continue readingWEST VIEW — Lifelong resident and Guy Fieri lookalike Griff Ferrani has reportedly started a new YouTube series mimicking “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” in which he forgoes eateries to visit exclusively local dive bars.
Continue readingMUNHALL — Insisting he’s had enough for a whole family, local man Rudy Geller couldn’t “even think about” getting any more commitment to Christ at a local fish fry this afternoon, the 52-year-old recently confirmed.
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