I heard the Old Mill’s opening back up. You should go down there and ask for a job. That’s a good honest job, working in a mill with your hands. You kids don’t know nothing about handjobs these days, but mark my words: a whole bunch of handjobs down at the Old Mill is just what this blue-collar town and Pittsburgh needs to be great again.
What? Knock it off, will ya?! I guess everything’s a big joke nowadays with you kids. A big joke on your phone and your Facetube.
We’d build things back then. All you kids build is a paper trail on them computers. We didn’t have any computers and robots doin’ the work for ya. We just had our hands. I worked in the Old Mill. We built the bridges, built the skyscrapers, built ships for the navy. All with our hands. Plenty of handjobs to go around. If you worked real hard, you stuck out!
There you go laughing again. Are you smoking the reefer? Your mother must be real proud! It would mean the world to your mother if you went down to the Old Mill and got yourself a handjob. Work a 12-hour day, come home filthy and smelly, and say, “Mom, I’m a real man now. Your son just got his first handjob!”
They weren’t these halfhearted, run-of-the-mill handjobs you’ve got today, either. Every man spent time mastering his own technique, learning little tricks, and perfecting the rhythm of his work until he was so good he could finish that particular handjob in half the time of some non-union scab!
Men were getting handjobs at the Old Mill left and right back then. You’d have guys coming from miles around, on foot, to get in line for the best handjob in the business. Me and the boys, I tell ya, we learned how to handle the heavy steel beams! They’d still be hot when we’d stick it in the delivery man’s trailer! He was so happy to get a huge load to carry around with him all night long. That’s how men were back then.
You’re still giggling like a schoolgirl. What are you light in the loafers, son? I get that kind of thing’s OK these days and it don’t bother me: as far I’m concerned, any man with a bit of gumption can learn to handle a hardy rod of—dammit, I said stop laughing!
(Article by Sloover: sloover.com, @sloover)
Kids these days. All they know how to do is finger-bang those dang key pads on their phones, computers, and tablets!!