(Headline by Colleen Nerney @nernstagram)

I’ll tell you what, for a city our size, the Pittsburgh area has got a pretty rich history of success. Just think of the names: Dan Marino. Johnny Unitas. Bruno Sammartino. Donnie Iris. Andy Warhol. Our town is home to some of the most dominant names in three of life’s most important things: football, wrestling, and…uh…other stuff.

Man, I bet those guys were swimming in babes. Probably had to fend them off with both hands. Now, I admit that I ain’t an expert in making stuff look like other stuff. Come on, you know what I mean. What do they call that? Art! That’s it.

Anyway, I ain’t no Piccolo, so when my daughter told me she had to do a project on Andy Warhol, I was more than happy to help. Figured it’d help me fill out another file in the mental cabinet of how Pittsburgh rocks harder than any town this side of the Atlantic. 

Well, we’ve been looking into stuff for a few hours now…and, I don’t really know how else to say this, but…Andy Warhol seems like he was kinda…you know…gay.

Sorry, didn’t mean to blindside you like that.

Like, come on, his biggest piece of art is some cans of soup, so of course I’m thinking, hey, I like a good can of chicken noodle, so chief here must be a real stand-up guy. I always envisioned him throwing back a few Irons – OK, fine, maybe Rolling Rocks since he was doing pretty well for himself – and just hanging on the couch in his underwear watching the Bucs before going off to some fancy party in his muscle car.

But I guess he was having dudes pee on stuff for fun? Don’t get me wrong, me and the guys don’t mind a good leak on the side of the bar from time to time, but it felt like he made a whole hobby out of it.

Listen, far be it from me to tell you how to live, but can’t a guy just live with his 40-some wigs, go out in drag, and gush over pop darlings like Marilyn Monroe without throwing his sexaulity in my face? Like, maybe that’s what Mean Joe Greene did, but did you ever hear him getting in your business about it? Nope. Bet he went out there, fooled around with a few dudes, and got on with his day, for all I know.

Anyway, me and Andy still on good terms, far as I’m concerned; it just caught me a bit off-guard, ya know?

Yeesh, next thing you know, somebody’ll be telling me they don’t make in Heinz in Pittsburgh no more. Ha! That’d be crazy, huh?

Boo actually cheer, according to sources that go yay.

“Louis’s name naturally lends itself to a clever bit of witticism, if I do say so myself,” said Pens fan Kevin Black. “See, you think you’re booing him, but you are in reality giving him the boost of a life time.”

As of press time, nobody know why “Woo” or wave.

(Article by Bashir Tanweer, @mexghanistan)

NORTH SHORE — In light of the “immense hardship the franchise faces,” the Pittsburgh Pirates announced today that they will immediately cease all baseball operations and complete the transition to a full-time hat company.

We yinzers are utterly spoiled when it comes to sports. Our football and hockey teams have been considered elite by everyone in their respective leagues for decades. And if Pittsburgh were to ever get a professional basketball or baseball team, I’m sure they would quickly establish a winning legacy as well.

This winning reputation can make watching a Pittsburgh-less championship game especially traumatic. This year’s Super Bowl LVI features the Los Angeles Rams and Cincinnati Bengals, neither of which teams are the Steelers, or even one whose players and coaching staff we threaten to mortally wound on a weekly basis. In order to cope with the pain of watching two other teams battle over what is rightfully ours, we here at Pittsburgh Unfiltered present a guide to tweaking your TV so that it kinda almost looks like the black and gold are on the field.