DOWNTOWN — Steelers fan Adam King, 31, played Styx favorite ‘Renegade’ at full volume earlier today in hopes of inspiring a comeback in the later stages of his third DUI hearing over the last several years, courtroom sources confirmed.
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EASTON, N.J. — Sections of the Monongahela River running through Pittsburgh recently inspired crayon institution Crayola to create its latest shade of “uniquely off-putting” brown, representatives at the company announced this morning.
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GREEN TREE — Citing the caller’s poor reasoning, blind support for team owners, and highly implausible trade suggestions, WXDX listeners have expressed their belief that “Jake from Highland Park” is finally the caller who will cause Mark Madden to enter cardiac arrest on air.
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DORMONT — Castle Shannon mother Darcy Brooks reportedly vocalized her outrage this morning after discovering a neighborhood breakfast spot offered alternative-brand condiments instead of supporting “everybody’s hometown favorite” $26.2-billion manufactured food corporation, the Kraft Heinz Company.
Continue readingIn this episode, Chuck and Ronnie get to enjoy a little time in the sun and a sandwich in public — all, of course, while bringing you more of the sports hot takes you want to hear.
NEW YORK — Baldwin resident Rick Balaski hosted a TED Talk yesterday, in which he contended that the stretches of intense warmth affecting places like Pittsburgh are more the result of humidity levels than “the heat all by itself.”
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FINLEYVILLE — Independent meme farmer Butch Muller, 36, anticipates he will have to cease operations after his crucial Phil Kessel crop was ruined by the winger’s trade to Arizona.
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Report: Pittsburgh to Become One Giant Luxury Apartment Complex by 2021
OAKLAND — Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh warned this morning that continual unabated commercial real estate development could result in the city becoming one massive luxury apartment complex by sometime in 2021.
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GREATER PITTSBURGH AREA — Suburban police departments throughout the area have recently commissioned B-2 bombers retired by the U.S. military in an effort to safeguard officers and residents from particularly threatening traffic, parking, and other ordinance violations, according to sources licking their lips as they slowly fondle the ‘deploy’ button.
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OHIO — Countless motorists on Interstate 90 westbound have passed Olli Maatta this morning on the former Penguin defenseman’s drive to Chicago, sources pretty certain he should have his hazard lights on confirmed.
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